> ## Content Index > Fetch the complete content index at: https://www.notches.me/llms.txt > Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further. # Same face when you win and lose. - URL: https://www.notches.me/7-15-same-face/ - Published: 2026-10-28T02:18:00.000Z - Updated: 2026-10-28T02:34:08.000Z - Description: Watch the best players at the end of a game. You often can't tell from their face if they won. Winning and losing both come and go, and you stay you. - Author: Notches - Tags: Driver, Age 7 Picture a little pond. The water is very still. It's so still that it looks like a mirror. You can see the sky in it. You can see a bird flying over. If you lean over, you can even see your own face, looking back at you. Now pick up a stone and throw it in. Plop! Splash! Little rings go out across the water. Ripple, ripple, ripple. The whole pond wobbles. For a moment, you can't see the sky at all. But wait a little while. The ripples get smaller. And smaller. And then the pond is still again. It's the same pond. It didn't turn into a puddle. It didn't turn into a waterfall. A stone made it wobble, and then it went back to being a pond. Winning and losing are like stones in your pond. When you win, plop! Big happy ripples. When you lose, plop! Big grumpy ripples. Both kinds of stones make you wobble. And that's okay. But then, if you wait a little, the ripples go away. And you're still you. Same pond. Same face. Here's something I want you to notice. Watch the very best players at the end of a game. Soccer players, chess players, tennis players. Look at their faces. Lots of times, you can't even tell who won. The winner shakes hands. The loser shakes hands. They both say, "Good game." The winner doesn't do a dance in the other player's face. The loser doesn't lie on the floor like a starfish. Some kids do the starfish, though. They lose a game of cards, and down they go. Flat on the carpet. Arms out. "It's not fair! I never win!" And some kids do the dance. They win a game of cards, and up they jump. "I won! I won! You lost! Na-na-na-na-na!" That dance makes the other kid feel terrible. The starfish and the dance are the same thing, really. They're both what happens when one stone takes over the whole pond. The best players know a secret. One game is not the whole story. You'll win some. You'll lose some. You'll win again. So there's no need to dance in anyone's face, or to turn into a starfish. Same face when you win. Same face when you lose. What does your face do when you win? What does it do when you lose? Show me. Here's a grown-up secret. My face forgets this too. When my team loses on TV, I make a face like I just smelled old socks. And when I win a game, I sometimes do a little victory wiggle. Then I catch my own face and laugh. Same face, I tell myself. Same face. Same face doesn't mean no feelings. You can be happy when you win! You can be sad when you lose. You can even cry. Ripples are fine. Ponds are supposed to ripple. Same face just means you don't let one game turn you into a different person. You let the ripples settle, and you're you again. There's a very old story about a farmer. He lived on a little farm with his son and one horse. One day, the horse ran away. All the neighbors came over. "Oh, what bad luck!" they said. "Your only horse!" The farmer shrugged. "Maybe," he said. A week later, the horse came back. And it brought three wild horses with it! The neighbors ran over. "What good luck!" they said. "Four horses!" The farmer shrugged. "Maybe," he said. The next day, the farmer's son tried to ride one of the wild horses. The horse bucked. Boing! The son flew into the air and landed with a thump. He broke his leg. The neighbors came running. "Oh, what bad luck!" they said. The farmer shrugged. "Maybe," he said. A little while later, the king's men rode into the village. They were taking every young man away to work far from home, for a whole year. But the farmer's son had a broken leg. So they let him stay home with his dad. The neighbors gasped. "What good luck!" they said. And you can guess what the farmer said. "Maybe." The farmer's face stayed the same, like a still pond. Not because he didn't care. He cared a lot about his son and his horses. He just knew that the story wasn't finished yet. Every bit of good luck and bad luck was one stone. Plop. Ripples. Then still again. That's what I want for you. When you win, be happy, and shake hands. When you lose, be sad for a bit, and shake hands. Then let the ripples settle. One game is never the whole story. And whatever the score says, you're still the same wonderful you. Same face when you win and lose. ## After reading At bedtime, ask him: "What does your face do when you win? What does it do when you lose? Show me." Make the faces together; he'll likely do a big starfish and a big dance, and that's the point. Then show him a "same face" and practise it. Go first if he's shy, with your own old-socks face. If he's stuck, help him: "What about the last time we played cards?" For the rest of the week, play a few quick games, and after each one say the kid line together: "Same face." Shake hands every time, whoever wins. ## What to watch for **The goal:** after a game, win or lose, he shakes hands and says "good game", and settles within a minute or two. - **It's landing** when he wins without dancing at the other person. - **It's landing** when he loses, gets upset, and then comes back to "same face" by himself. - **It's landing** when he says "maybe" like the farmer about something that went wrong. - **Careful:** don't ask for "same face" while he's still in the first big ripple. Let the stone land, then help it settle. - **Careful:** this isn't "don't show feelings". If he starts hiding sadness, tell him ripples are fine; the face comes back after.